The Beauty to BE Love
What is the Beauty to BE Love? Every year February is LOVE Month at Intuitive Soul. The theme of Love Month 2024 is to BE Love. The Beauty is that Love is what we all strive for. February typically depicts romantic love. And we all want to BE Loved. So let’s look at where we might go wrong.
Last year Tom Campbell and I discussed LOVE on several important shows: Just BE LOVE; one of my favorites What is LOVE?; and The Simplicity of LOVE. However, if you search for Love on my site you will find over 300 shows and Blogs on the topic. It is THE most important topic as it is crucial to our Spiritual Growth and Happiness.
To BE Love we need to examine our Definitions of Love – especially since Love is Messy with all our wants, expectations, and sense of deservingness. We also need to review our wanting to Control or BEing in Charge of Love. And while we are unpacking the realm of LOVE we should Examine our Choices about Love – always It is about choices. And lastly we should also look at our LOVE relationships – and these relationships, as they build, are really about us Growing Up.
Definitions of LOVE: We all have different definitions for Love. For some people our definition of Love comes from fairy tales, like the knight in shining armor who brings love into the damsel’s world. If that is how we define or look at love then we are often looking for someone to ‘rescue’ us, to bring love into our lives. Others see Love as a way to be showered with gifts or see it as a financial exchange. Some of us want to be exclaiming our Love through our words or by our actions.
We all have different definitions and expectations around what Love looks like and what Love should show up like. We all have different definitions based on our experience, what we have seen in other’s lives, and, of course, our parent’s relationship. And then there are the relationships we admire and we perceive as perfect. It is these relationships we try to emulate without realizing that what we see in such relationships, is created through a lens that is imperfect and false.
Ultimately, Love is Given: Freely, Unconditionally and without Expectations. But in a world that is filled with fear, manipulation, greed, and the unknown; we have definitions that are imperfect. The problem is that we don’t typically look at our definitions. We just live our lives unconscious of the definitions we have given LOVE and wonder why we feel unloved. It is time we begin to review, understand and BEcome more conscious of our LOVE views.
If we truly want to experience LOVE we need to understand that LOVE, like life, is Messy.
Love is Messy: Like life, Love is Messy. It isn’t just about our wants, desires, worthiness, expectations, or deservingness. If we examine these we will see that all of these are actually about our fears. They have little to do with Love at all. But they do have to do with our definitions, our experiences, our observations, and our parent’s relationships towards love. The sense of lack of love and the fear of not having what we think is love really has to do with what our Egos want in an attempt to create that ‘image’ of Love that we are searching for.
Does it mean that Love – or what we perceive as Love – is wrong? There is no “right” or “wrong” by definition of LOVE. However, often what we perceive as LOVE is NOT Love but rather what we Want. Love isn’t our expectations being met or our hopes and dreams being fulfilled. It isn’t even compromising with another person so that we each get something that we think represents Love. Because once we feel we are compromising then that often suggests that we believe the other person isn’t as compromising as we are and, rather, we are doing all – or most of – the compromising.
When love is conditional, in our perception of LOVE, when it is filled with our wants, our desires, our dreams, our expectations, or on whether we are worthy or they are worthy or whether we or they are deserving of LOVE … then we are caught up in FEAR. This isn’t LOVE. This is our Imagination about LOVE BEing filled by someone else.
Often we will find that if we search for LOVE – from another person – it is because we don’t LOVE ourselves and that we have Fear surrounding what we believe is LOVE. Often that fear is based on our thinking or feeling that we are Unlovable.
The media showers us with depictions of LOVE. Watch any Hallmark movie and you will see people falling in love and there are specific markers within each story to show the love in these stories. Most romance movies show falling in love, and almost never show healthy relationships beyond that point. They show fights, making up, lots of twists that usually have a break-up and then a make-up. But since long term love is not usually as exciting as falling in love, it isn’t shown. The only exception is the romance movie that depicts divorce as the theme.
Life is Messy and LOVE isn’t easy. The books, movies, and relationship advice that recommend that if it isn’t easy – then it isn’t meant to BE – these are doing a major disservice to LOVE. It is time we understood that fears and LOVE don’t help create LOVE. They just create more fear. The set idea of what people think that Love should be, what it should look like, and how we should feel … these are just our wants and, therefore, our fears.
We have been convinced that we can Control LOVE by fixing, changing, and healing the other person. Yeah, sorry, that isn’t possible and that isn’t LOVE. We are blaming someone else for our unhappiness because, if they need fixing and such then they aren’t able to give us the love we want. Oh, how we want to be in control!
Control vs BEing in Charge: I talk a lot about how we have no control. In actuality, we have NO control over anything in our lives. Imagine our belief that we can control another person, when in reality they aren’t even in control of themselves. Our reactions are often based on fears and such reactions are an automatic response. However, what we can be is in Charge of is our next response and we can choose how we respond to the perceptions we hold. I like the wording of BEing in Charge so we don’t confuse ourselves that we can control … anything.
Let me try to explain. Our reactions are based on our experiences and our beliefs. However, these reactions to our experiences and beliefs have been already established by the age of seven. As explained many times, these beliefs have created neuropathways in our brains causing us to react a certain way. As a seven year old, we are NOT physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually evolved or mature enough to make rational thoughts and decisions.
Yet, we are not conscious of these reactions or why we react the way we do, because they are so ingrained within our brains they are unconscious. We often react from fear because we didn’t understand the decision we made – or the ramifications of such decisions. This is why our first reaction to something often has an emotional component to it … like anger, frustration, or a fearful exchange.
However, that doesn’t mean that we have to continue to choose our first response. We do not have to hold on to the reaction style that we developed prior to the age of seven. Instead let us try to be in Charge of our next response, after the ingrained first reaction. We can observe our first reaction, the one coming from the programming of the seven year old brain, and decide how we would rather respond.
Do we want to continue to react like a child, especially around LOVE and its many messy ways? Or do we want to choose to respond in a LOVING way? A more grown up way. Do we want to continue to hold fear or Let Go, Surrender and choose from within how to BE? I choose LOVE and to respond in a LOVING way. It is about choices.
It is about choices: What choices are you making? We make choices multiple times an hour, every day. As discussed above we typically have no control over our initial reaction but we can be in charge of our next response. We can be in charge of how we shift our reaction of fear to one of LOVE. This is a choice.
As our theme is about the Beauty to BE Love, we are required to examine how we are BEing LOVE. What choices we are making when we are sharing LOVE. Are we blaming the other person for everything that is going wrong? Can we taking responsibility for our fears? Do we want to Fix, Heal or Change the other person? Are we accepting the relationship as it is or are we wanting to change it?
Every time we make a choice it either comes from a place of fear or love. If we feel uncomfortable and unhappy – then we are making a choice from fear. No matter what, if we feel uncomfortable, angry or unhappy – then it is a reaction from fear that is fueling us. The first reaction may be unconscious, but if we always take stock of our feelings then we will BEcome aware when we are reacting from fear. And we have the opportunity to choose again.
Sometimes examining our choices is uncomfortable. It feels uncomfortable because we are responsible for our choices when we react from fear. LOVE doesn’t come from fear. LOVE is! It doesn’t have restrictions or expectations; it just IS. Whenever we feel the need to change someone – or even ourself – then we are coming from a place of fear.
It is time to leave the fear behind – the best we can – and Evolve our Consciousness and Grow UP …
Growing up: Growing Up is taking responsibility and accepting who we are as we are. Acceptance comes first before we can shift and Let Go. Letting go and surrendering our fears is extremely Powerful and Beautiful. However, it is work! Growing Up is a Journey and not a destination. It takes time. It takes having compassion for ourselves and for others. LOVE is Growing Up. Our LOVE has no boundaries and no fears. LOVE is quite simply LOVE!
LOVE is Giving! Real LOVE isn’t about asking for affection or asking for ‘things’ to make one’s life better. If you are wanting LOVE to make your life better then you are looking for a relationship to express fear. It is NOT LOVE.
It is time to Discover the Beauty to BE LOVE. This Journey is messy and beautiful. It can free you to Let Go of the definitions you have created in your mind and Ego that you thought were Love. All the depictions that Media, fairy tales and society have brainwashed us to Believe is Love – are often just our fears being shown.
We need to move beyond the definitions we placed on Love. Our assumptions about what Love is can shift towards real LOVE by surrendering our Ego’s fear to what we perceived is Love to what is actually true. Let’s move beyond fear to the Freedom of LOVE. We can let Go of the need to control our relationships. Let’s make Choices based on LOVE. And may we Choose to Evolve our Consciousness and Grow towards LOVE! Let’s embrace LOVE in all its messy forms!
Happy Love Month! ❤️