Consciousness of Sabotaging Change

Here we are enJOYing Spring… Oh wait… NO! Spring here in Toronto seems to be off and on. That is Canada! But sometimes we become impatient for the change from Winter to Spring to happen. And why is this? As we approach Spring we often think of making changes in our lives. New Beginnings.

This is a totally appropriate response to the changing of seasons, especially after a long winter. Which we have had this year. The thing is: when we desire change we are often afraid to make changes for a few reasons. It can be the:

• Fear of the Unknown,
• Fear of the Known,
• Fear of a belief that if the change is too hard or difficult then it isn’t meant to be
• Fear of not being in control, and/or
• Fear of not wanting to give up our perception of the control we believe we have.

Change is a challenging process to overcome – but change is more easily available to all of us once we realize how we sabotage ourselves when we face change.

What is Sabotage? Let’s make some examples from the fears above.

Fear of the Unknown. This common fear is when we don’t know what may happen if we do get everything we want. We want to make a change in our job. We visualize the job we want and we get excited about these new opportunities that may present themselves. But wait – the fear of the unknown happens because of many scenarios that we don’t know. The new job may be the same or worse than our current one. We may have colleagues who treat us worse, have conflicts with us, our boss may not appreciate us any better than where we are at the present time, or the money may not be enough. So we sabotage our new job before we ever have an opportunity to even discover the next opportunity. And we do not change.

Fear of the Known. This is so similar to the Unknown because the scenarios are very similar. We end up talking ourselves out of change due to worrying about the same patterns – we already have – reoccurring. This job we are looking for – we talk ourselves out of changing because we worry that nothing will really change. Or we stay where we are because we know that the job we have is a ‘known’. What do they say? “Better the Devil you know than the Devil you don’t know”. We sabotage our change because we have decided that it won’t get better with a change. Kind of depressing and self-defeating so it is understandable why, for some, they just can’t seem to make a change because of the ‘what it’: ‘what if’ it isn’t any better than what we already have? This happens for employment, relationships, and even trying to make changes to our bodies. It takes so much energy to make a change – we think – so it isn’t worth it –  especially if it just keeps us in the same place. So we do not change.

One of the problems with the New Age Movement is that we are told if it is too difficult – then it isn’t meant to be. This is so damaging to our potential to change and hinders our opening up to New Opportunities – all due to the fact that change isn’t easy in many different areas. Yet we grow through accepting challenges and even mastering the messiness within our lives. If we had a Pollyanna life – where everything is perfect – we wouldn’t ever strive to Grow Up or Evolve our Consciousness. Personally, I believe that those who claim their lives are perfect are in denial. Yes, some may have surmounted a challenge and that may feel good but does anyone really believe that they will always have clear sailing, perfect circumstances? Another New Age problem is that we are told “fake it until we make it” and so we convince ourselves that everything is absolutely wonderful – when it ISN’T. Life is messy! And we tend to want to discover the easiest way to accomplish something. When we want to lose weight, for example, we look for the magic bullet that will help us without having to work at it. While this was even common for us when we were younger – as we age – and have questionable dietary approaches – our metabolism changes and we DO have to ‘work’ at making changes to our bodies. When it comes to our employment changes – again it offers challenges. New people, new environment, new skillset required. It requires us to push through our discomfort – move out of our comfort zone and overcome the challenges that new beginnings create. We often sabotage ourselves by saying – This is just too difficult – obviously it wasn’t meant to be. And all the ‘faking it until we make it’ just doesn’t make sense so … again, because of the New Age ‘thinking’ …we do not change. 

The last fear – Control – is another way to sabotage change. The thing is: we only believe we are in control when it comes to change or our lives in general. Try this: We are NOT in control of anything. We aren’t even in control of how we respond to what is happening in our lives. And why is this? It’s because our reactions are conditioned into us by the age of 7. So while we really are not in control of ANYTHING we ARE in charge with how we respond to what happens to us in any given moment. Does this sound life the opposite of what I am trying to say? The thing is our REACTIONS can change – and so we can grow and change how we REACT. Yet most people don’t have that awareness all the time. So the best we can do is, once we react, we can try to become aware of the fear beneath our reaction. And whenever we are in a state of anything other than Love: we are reacting. So it is somewhat easy to become aware of when we are in a state of fear. This can assist us to take a moment and shift our reaction to the response we desire. And THIS puts us “in charge” of how we respond.

Most of us believe that we are in control – when the fact is that we can’t control anything. The reason that we cannot control anything is that the almost 8 billion people we share the planet with who are also co-creating their lives. There are too many variables to be in control of anything. I mean if we can’t even control our emotions – how can we control change? Change will happen even if we don’t want it. However, it is often sabotage that blocks the changes we desire – especially when we are worried that we either aren’t in control or worried that we are in control and will maybe LOSE that control. Does that make sense? These two ideas are very similar. We want a new job: We fear, however, that we will not be in control – or we fear that the current position we have strived for has given us the illusion that we have some control over something when, actually, we don’t have control over it. We decide then that either not being in control enough or having control but thinking we will lose the control: these two sides of the ‘control coin’ will cause problems. Again, this is mostly an illusion as we really don’t have control over anything. We just believe that we do. Sometimes. But the fear around control often means that we do not change.

Most people will fear losing control yet there is also the belief then that they must be ‘in-control’ to worry about losing it. So, another way of looking at the two sides of the same coin. Just offered in a different way. BEing in control will never happen but we CAN make choices to shift our awareness and choose how to respond to all that is happening. This ‘making choices’ takes more work and hence this is why we often sabotage the change we want or, in another self-sabotaging way: accept the change we don’t want. If we can come into a place of acceptance for what IS – this would make a HUGE difference. Acceptance is Key to having a Happy Life full of Joy and LOVE.

Here we are ready for Change so what can we do to stop sabotaging our New Opportunities? Above we mentioned Acceptance – this comes from a place of non-fear. Once we can accept where we are currently we have the opportunity to BE Open. It is through actually BEing Open that change can happen. If we accept our current reality this doesn’t mean we Love it – it means we are aware of where we are and maybe even the fears that we have and we can Accept that this is where we are. Then the fears won’t be such a challenge and we aren’t as likely to sabotage ourselves. Acceptance alleviates fear. Then Life will be about what choices we make – not from a fear place but from an awareness and acceptance place. If we don’t like our current situation let’s truly ‘see’ our current situation and accept it. Yes, we may become aware of the fears that are triggered and that just means that we can make a different choice through our awareness and acceptance without going into the fears that sabotage change.

BE ready for Change! Get excited about your potential for change and where you are now and come to a place of acceptance. BE aware of what you don’t like and examine the fears that come from that place. Then BE Open to what it could be like to create: this is the change that you desire. Begin to taste, see, hear, feel and know the change you most desire. Acknowledge the fears that may sabotage your journey into change and work towards shifting these fears through awareness and Acceptance. This is where ‘Dream BIG’ and ‘Let the Magic Unfold’ is important. The Universe co-creates our Dreams with us and yet, if we attempt to control how, what, when, where and why we allow our fears to limit our Dreams. Let Go of trying to control and Just BE: aware and accepting of where you are now and where you want to go. The World is so much more Magical than we can ever imagine. Allow Change to BE the Magic you Dream About.

With Love and an Open Heart, Laurie ❤️

Did an excellent show with Tom Campbell on Sabotaging Change