I believe I have understood a huge piece of the puzzle this past couple weeks. I’ve understood how when it comes to relationships, it is never about the other person (which at the time was a huge learning for me). This past month when something occurred that triggered my feelings of victimhood I was able to step out of the pain and fear and observe my reactions (after a few hours of pity, anger and fear). I was able to understand that something wasn’t being done “to me”. I had a choice how I could respond. Instead of being outraged and fearful, I came into a place of acceptance that although I didn’t know how, I would be okay and this would be my choice.
As I faced this situation where I felt the need to do something to change, fix and heal my situation, I instead came from a place of Being. I chose to come from a state of my core essence, not my reactionary state of fear about my future or a past pattern from my childhood. I chose to accept the situation and myself for who I was. I also chose to see how I use situations that “happen” in my life to play out an old scenario of pain and victimhood. I chose to grow from a place of love, instead of allowing my ego to react from fear.
I completely understood that you have to be in the Now moment, or present to acknowledge that you even have a choice. That if you are in your past patterns of sabotage and fear or worrying about the future, you only can react from your perceptions of fear. We all go through our own unique issues, based on our experiences. I saw, just like in relationships, where we think or believe that this is ALL about the other person, that there are always two people (like every situation has two or more sides). What we believe is about the other person, never is. It is our illusion of fear based on our experiences, conscious or unconscious, real or imagined that influences us to perceive the events as we do. We may also perceive events in our lives through our parent’s judgements, hidden triggers from our past lives or our genetic lineage. Ultimately, we experience what our Soul wants us to experience which is in divine order. It is so much more complex than we imagined. And it’s not about blame or accepting blame; it’s about responsibility. But again not what you expect or imagine. Seeing our true responsibility is freeing, not restricting. It means we have power, and the ability to choose.
What I learned is that we truly can be in charge of how we respond. However, the important piece was that I had to be fully present. When I was in rage and fear, I was mostly reacting from my past patterns and worrying about my future. To be fully “in charge” I had to step into my power, see my reactions for what they were and accept that I had a choice. An empowered choice to not be bullied or taken advantage of, to do what I felt was right (my perception of what I felt was right for me, which may or may not have been from ego) and choose to respond from a place of empowerment. It was completely freeing and I could see how many of my choices felt like they weren’t choices but reaction from being a victim. It opened up infinite possibilities for me to see and allowed me to feel empowered as I made the choice instead of feeling guilt, shame or powerless.
It can be very difficult to SEE ourselves. We often get stuck in a pattern that IS our life, until we DECIDE, enough! When we make the decision that we want more or that we want something different, that is when we look through the window to get a glimpse of who we truly are. The more we open up and become curious about discovering the truth of us, that is when we begin to see that we have the power to choose something different – we have the power to create the most miraculous life.
May this empower you to see another side to your story.